Thank you all for your kind words. It is a bittersweet feeling and as the day draws near – less than 4 weeks now until I deliver, it is becoming more and more real. Scary and real.
I have only bought a few things for this baby. No stock piling diapers anymore. I can’t bring myself to buy more then what I will need for the moment. The thought of having things and having to see them go unused again is always there and nothing I ever want to face. Hopefully that will change over time, but for now I have to live in the moment and not for what I hope the future will bring.
This pregnancy has been relatively uneventful, as was my first. Had a not so good news u/s a few weeks ago, but they seem to think it was technician error and are not overly concerned. I have had trouble getting it out of my mind though. I realize even if there is something wrong with the baby, there is nothing that can be done now. I was told in my counselling session yesterday, yes I still go ever 2 weeks that I need to think positive things and they will come true – easier said than done.
Thank you again for all your kind words and thoughts. Will keep you posted.
I too am still in counseling though at times I wonder why. I try so hard to live in the moment, to carry on in spite of my daughter's death. I try to find joy, peace, happiness......but it just is not there. At times the pain feels so deep that it scares me.
ReplyDeleteI have not been on alot lately, but wanted to say congrats! And I did not come to have our baby girl from pregnancy, but I know it is so scary. I think all of the time about losing her, losing Ella, I am still a mess nearly 2 years out.
ReplyDeleteI did think of you a few weeks ago. My 10 year old son had enterovirus, I kept taking him in and they kept diagnosing him with bronchitis, sinus infection etc.. He was admitted through the ER with high fever and vomiting and the pediatrician said he was pretty sure he had it..He had been sick for the better part of 3 weeks and it took him being so ill for anyone to even look into it.. ugh.. Anyway, I regress..praying for your peace of mind as well as a very uneventful 4 weeks and easy delievery..xoxo