I have been having some great days in the past few weeks. It always seems like I feel up – after such a hard anniversary. I think it is just I was so down for weeks that anything feels better.
I had my first dream of Beckett the other night. It was very odd - my father in law, who passed away a few months ago, was missing. We were looking everywhere for him and when we found him he was walking in a park holding Beckett’s hand. Neither of them looked our way even though we called out to them. The dream was peaceful, but it has been on my mind ever since and made me not feel so “up”.
One thing that drives me crazy is that I could not see his face and he didn’t see me. I do feel some comfort in knowing he is not alone, but it drives me crazy that he is not with me.
Today I went to visit a friend who has a child that was born 2 months before Beckett. We went to the park, which proved to be way harder than I thought. Seeing her running around playing just made me sad and miss him so much more. It is a beautiful day out and he should be here enjoying it.
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